heading home tomorrow for the first time since the move...excited to be around loved ones but not sure how to feel otherwise. since i arrived in london i have been in a bubble: no work, no familiar comforts, no consistent friendly faces from the past...i have been rogue and alone and exploring and feeling around in the dark. before i got here, i had dreamed of living in this city, romanticizing london with each visit, etching its history and charm onto the back of my eyelids. before i left home i felt excited and nervous about the concept that i might never really come back.
having been here now for a few months, it is not what i expected, not in any way. "if i move back" has slowly transformed to "when i move back" and i'm not sure how to feel about that. i am having fun, i am being intellectually challenged, i am getting what i have been asking for, but i worry that going home will make all the unexpected hurdles of london seem that much higher when i return.
i'm trying to assimilate, to understand the people here, to appreciate their different perspective, to be a quiet observer, not a judgmental fat loud hillbilly american. i truly am trying. since i have been here, i have been visited by some friends from the states, and being back with them made me feel alive again, like myself again, and i miss them the minute they are gone.
i guess i miss ME the minute they are gone...
maybe when i'm home, in some sordid twist of fate, i'll miss london.
No comments:
Post a Comment